Need of Grace.

To be honest, i've been spinning round and round in my head, for an amazing introduction-a great abstract to use to bring the truth i wanna share to life, a way to have you expecting the next word and the next because you know, it's been a minute since i wrote anything up here and there's a couple cobwebs i need to clear.
I haven't gotten any-except for confessing what i just have.

To sprinkle a little more honesty across this page, a prayer i read(yes, i read prayers, because sometimes all i can say is an amen to the request of another saint; as we are more alike than we think and more collectively in need of grace than we'd maybe like to admit) said, "O Lord, thou knowest my present deadness."

And it's almost like a heavy weight was lifted-i understand this may be for a few, or for you to understand that the predicaments of the faith are deep and great.

I'm where i want to be, lacking no good thing. Happy, healthy and feeling complete- and yet i still feel empty.
Or felt. Until i read that prayer, and again all i could whisper was an amen.

Now, not to be dramatic with all i just said, but a lot of situations have left me spirtually dead.

Where, questions and thoughts(and i'm always talking about this) have weighed on me heavy, as has this weird kind of weariness: tired of praying or encouraging people to pray, tired of seeking or telling anyone to seek. Tired of trying to make sense of a Master, who i just felt such a grave disconnect from, leave alone how irritated brethren have made me.
I wish i could say i'm in a better place- i'm not.

The title of the prayer i read is "need of grace" and that's exactly where i'm at, the title of today's post, is my state of heart and you can whisper your amen if you feel the same way.


I asked my mother the other day, after the cases against Ravi Zacharias were confirmed(google about this if you are lost) why christians have to struggle.

I mean if we accept, why not have a smooth run till he returns or calls us home!?!
I don't have the energy to go into all the Biblical explanations and theological doctrines that can prove why that's a reality and how to go about it, because again, FATIGUE.

but the truth is it's hard.
The demons run deep, for every christian.
Even while the grace of God abides and praise Him for that! (That doesn't make His grace ANY less sufficient and our holiness any less of a guarantee)

My dad today said one of the most beautiful and comforting things i've heard in a minute- "There's been several nights, when I felt insufficient and a failure that I turned to Romans 8:1 and fell asleep on that page in my Bible. That's severally been like a little blanket for me."

There's no condemnation.

For my shortcomings and my fatigue.
For my wanderings and my needs.

And that's beautiful to me.
Jesus, is beautiful to me!

You can say a prayer for me.
I'm sure i'll be fine.
This good God of mine always brings dead things back to life!

If you need prayer, feel free to hit me up.
I'm glad this can be a safe space, where one cries out and the other says Amen!