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He will give you faith.

Last night was one of the toughest nights for me yet. And if you are like me and you think life is a musical, you probably sang the song "last night  by Kranium" after reading the first two words. Yes. That along with everything else I am about to write on is to show you that I am 100% human.  A girl, with battles and such and not too out of touch with things around. Like music. I love music.
I'm drifting off far too much right now.
          As I was saying, it was tough.
It was like a hurricane destroying belief I had built up for years. Scriptures were being torn down and apart, faith being blown away,
Doubt, wanting to understand, needing clarity. Looking for comfort in certainty. that describes the weather of my heart last night.
So 1. Yes, even I lose it, within myself and just want to cry.
     2. It's not that I am everyday perfectly in love with Jesus, everyday being a vessel, or everyday "repping the set" in fact I do that more not than often of late.
    3. The fact and truth is that God wants us to find comfort in him and not in answers.

Usually, when I'm knocked down like that I tell a couple people. People who are mentoring me and such and such. And they will say the things that I have gotten so used to hearing that I even tell others now.
And you have probably heard or not.

"Oh, God's ways are high above. He is good. Trust in that truth and the truth that is in Him and is Him."
"Some things we can't and won't ever find answers to. At least not on this earth."
And I could go on and on.

And to be honest, in that moment. I was so angry. Angry at how unsatisfying those answers can actually be. I don't know about you but I never not ask. There isn't too many inquisitives around but they that ask, can really push it. And so yes, you see where I'm coming from.

But you know what, this does not even end with me giving anything different from the above. In fact, I don't need to climax. Because you've read it already.
In my philosphy class, we learnt that "only when you challenge a view can you decide if it's worth having."
And I second to that. The moments of surfing through the waves of trying to wrap a finite mind around an infinite being with infinite ways can throw you off your surfboard, but God controls the waves.

I went to church today, and cried my eyes out when the song they sang happened to have said "Give me faith, to trust what you say. That you're good and your love is great."

That song alone and my honest cry to God for faith and more faith, gave me back my bearing.
Sing and cry out with me.

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