Many thoughts. His heart.

Sort of glad that only a handful of people read my simple raw line.   ''I'm learning to listen. not going too great but I am.'' Ha! Y'all really thought I'd write a post that short and leave it at that? Man I thought I could. Best believe I was very uncomfortable with it. Probably a blend of the fear of being misunderstood and feeling naked  because who likes to announce the things they know they are not good at? Or the traits or the lack of them there of that need improvement? I would like for people to think I get a lot of things right but I in fact don't. It's almost like I mess up more than I don't. I hope you aren't sensing false vulnerability from reading this because it seems an awful lot like that. Where someone (me) thinks that by touching the surface of my imperfection (very vaguely if I may add), that someone else (you) will relate with me on a more human realistic level ( which is always the secondary hope I have when I write to y

I'm learning to listen. not going too great but I am.

This is the most spontaneously I've written so far. Where I immediately grab my laptop with little thought and plan and get at it. Refiner by Maverick city (a band that is in every way heaven sent!) is playing in the background. It's a song I fell in love with the first time I heard it. And couldn't stop singing it. And then, all of a sudden I stopped singing it. I was too afraid to. I couldn't. Here's a snippet of the lyrics; I want to be tried by fire, purified. You take whatever you desire, Lord here's my life. Burn me beautiful, burn me holy. Burn me righteous, burn me lovely. I want to be really brief today so I'll say, after a pep talk of sorts from my friend, he put things into perspective reminding me that if my loyalty and heart really belongs to God, then I should be ready for his chastening. For the ways in which he desires to purify me. I should really want to burn for only Him . I shouldn't be afraid of singing the song in simpler terms. But