Many thoughts. His heart.

''MARVEL! you are not your work, you matter and are so valuable, I also want to say that the recent spoken word you put up was amazing.'' read the text Alyssa sent me soon after a post I put on instagram. I was overly excited by her feedback (compliment) as I usually am because like most creatives I think, the comments are definitely not taken for granted. Ever.  Anyway, when I first saw her text I thought, '' Well that's random. Why is she starting her sentence like that?'' ''Why is she calling me valuable? Does she think I don't know that already, maybe?'' And so being myself, I asked  her. Being gracious, she explained. I am going to talk about myself as briefly as possible and say being a creative,  people will talk about your talent. People will cling onto what you can do, and maybe even possibly, for how it could help them later. And it's great, until it isn't. But it would take a whole lot to get to the isn't. Y

It keeps me calm, the reality that with  all the unknowns, by Him I am fully known. I am learning to let my soul know that very well. I am aware that there's more to life than just me. Yes, the picture is bigger. Yes, I am not my own, at least not anymore. But I still hope to be seen. And known. And heard. Sometimes maybe more than I should desire and sometimes maybe out of proportion altogether. And maybe that's okay.  Anyway, it keeps me calm, the reality that with all the unknowns:  barely even knowing myself. Thinking I do, and then realizing maybe I don't. Thinking I have it together and then realizing maybe I don't. Wrestling with the forever questions, the forever paradoxes, that He knows me fully. I cannot know in full. even the love of the Father, Paul prays that we grasp and then says that we can't. even the things of the Father, Paul says now we know in part and then we will know in full. But to be certain that I am known, that's love. That's as m